


Forward

by venndaai



Category: The Expanse (TV)
Genre: Gen, Trick or Treat: Treat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-22
Updated: 2018-09-22
Packaged: 2019-07-15 12:14:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16062917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/venndaai/pseuds/venndaai
Summary: Bobbie adjusts to being back on the Roci.





	Forward

**Author's Note:**

  * For [coaldustcanary](https://archiveofourown.org/users/coaldustcanary/gifts).



The Roci was comfortingly familiar, which worried Bobbie a little. “You can, uh, you can have your old bunk,” Alex said, wringing his hands. He’d been treating her like she was glass, even after the doctors had let her go, and it was a little annoying, because sure, she wasn’t back up to full strength yet but that didn’t mean she couldn’t knock Alex over with one finger if she had to. He’d tried to carry her bag for her. It wasn’t like it even had anything in it beyond a standard issue toothbrush. 

Although, she realized, his awkwardness might have less to do with the injury, and more to do with the uncomfortable fact that- 

She needed to be alone suddenly. “Right,” she said. “I remember. Thanks.” She pushed her bag up the corridor and floated up after it, pushing herself along with the handholds too fast for Alex to keep up. 

Her bunk hadn’t changed. It looked and smelled like every bunk she’d slept in since she joined up. 

She looked at her bag but didn’t open it. All right, it had more than just the toothbrush, it had toothbrush, spare uniform, handheld, dad’s dog tags, supplements and medications, and some underwear. All delivered to her medical unit while she was unconscious. Somehow it felt like more than a fuck you than if the MCRN had just thrown her stuff out. 

Apparently her armor had been smashed to pieces during the fight. Even if it hadn’t she doubted she’d have gotten it back.

She shoved the bag inside the wall locker, then laid herself down on the bunk and tried those breathing exercises the shrinks had taught her. They didn’t really help but at least they gave her something to do. 

The Roci felt familiar, and she liked it here, and she was stuck here, for as long as she was welcome, anyhow. No pardon this time, no medals, no going home. Ever. She’d never again stand on red Martian soil. Never look out over the Mariner Valley and pick out the peak where she’d almost died. Never be able to take up the chant- “WHO ARE WE?” Never be able to feel like she was part of something great. 

She’d thrown all that away before, but it had been a lot easier when the deaths of her squads had been wearing a hole of pain and rage in her stomach. She’d wanted to throw everything away, and herself with it. Chrisjen had said something to her once- what was it? Something about how it was harder when you realized you had to go on, you had to find something else to care about. 

She’d thought she could just go back to caring about Mars, but it hadn’t been the same, had it, even before the crew of the Rocinante had complicated things again. She wasn’t the same. 

She breathed in and out, and listened. The Rocinante was full of noise. Machine hums and the hiss of air, and the rumble of the engines. They weren’t moving yet, but they would be soon. Going through one of the gates. To a new solar system. Maybe a new world. Maybe a planet with oceans.

Distant sounds of humans banging their feet and hands against metal. Distant voices. Holden and Naomi and Amos and Alex, and the other guests, the Earthers. She wasn’t alone.

Someone knocked on the door to the crew quarters. “Come in,” Bobbie called. She unfolded herself a little, put one knee up so it looked more like she was relaxing and less like she’d been curled in the fetal position. 

“Just wanted to let you know I’m making lasagna,” Alex said. “It’ll be done in 30 minutes or so. You remember my lasagna?”

“How could I forget the best lasagna in space?” Bobbie said, and grinned.


End file.
